You're Still Annoying
by Teh Pocky Ninja
Summary: When Naruto accidentally makes everyone in Konoha switch their gender, the LAST thing they all need is a dose of confused romance. Crackish, usual hetero pairings. T for Ino's sudden obsession with groping Sasuke.
1. Naruto Uzumaki Must Die

**"You're Still Annoying"**

**

* * *

****Chapter One: Naruto Uzumaki Must Die**

* * *

"You. Are. So. Freaking. _Dead!_"

Naruto attempted to stifle a giggle at his infuriated teammate as the Uchiha chased him relentlessly around the training field, bent on shoving the kunai he held into Naruto's face.

"You guys, killing each other won't fix anything," sighed Sakura, watching Naruto irritate his pursuer even further.

"Careful, _Sasuke-chan_, you might chip a nail!" he squealed, ducking to avoid a wave of shuriken from behind.

"I'll kill you!" shouted an infuriated Sasuke.

"It doesn't look like they're going to stop anytime soon…" murmured Kakashi, shutting his book and stowing it in his weapons pouch. The jonin disappeared, reappearing between the other two and effectively putting a halt to their chase by thumping them both on the head.

Naruto immediately fell to the ground whimpering, Sauske merely winced and held his hand against the bruised area.

"There will be no murdering of your teammates until we complete this mission," ordered Kakashi. "Now cut it out, both of you."

Sasuke shot Naruto a death glare as he picked a stray blade of grass out of his hair. "This is your fault."

"Of course it is, _Sasuke-chan,_" retorted a grinning Naruto. "What's the matter? Tired of having a stick shoved up your tush all these years?"

Sakura glared at Naruto as Sasuke whacked him upside the head.

"Naruto, I really wouldn't be talking if I were you," she lectured. "Everyone in the village probably wants to do a lot worse than kill you right now."

Naruto, despite the constant death threats from his teammates, laughed and said, "But it'll get fixed eventually. Just think, years from now we can all look back on this and laugh. Well, except for Little Miss Sunshine over here, he'll probably be moping about going back to living a lie-"

Sakura smacked a hand to her forehead as the other two began wrestling on the grass. She hoped Naruto's words were true, and that their entire village's little "problem" would be erased before anything drastic happened…

"Kakashi-sensei! Sasuke's trying to grope me!"

"Shut your mouth, you worthless turd! You're the one who started this all in the first place! The minute we get back to normal, you're going to wish you could chew your own arm off to escape what I'm going to do to you!"

Sakura sighed again. It really was to be expected, the onslaught of awkward moments following Naruto's actions earlier that day.

After all, he _had_ accidentally caused everyone in the village to switch genders.

* * *

"Hold _still_, Sasuke. I can't fix your bruises properly if you keep squirming."

The Uchiha glared at Sakura, visibly uncomfortable about being touched. "I can't help it. Something just keeps making me move."

"It's probably all that estrogen _her_ brain's soaking in," piped up Naruto.

"Like you're one to talk, buttface."

Sakura used this temporary distraction to dissolve a particularly large discolored spot on Sasuke's stomach before he could react.

Ignoring the following blast of Arctic air, Sakura sat back and surveyed her group.

Naruto sat where he was on the grass, twirling a plucked clover between his fingers. He was the whole reason they had been all over the village trying to find out _exactly_ how the twelve-year-old had set off some sort of chain reaction from the medic-nin labs, _accidentally_ (he claimed) succeeding in the seemingly-impossible and managing to somehow cause everyone within the village walls to switch their second chromosome in just a single night.

And of course he took immediate pleasure in everyone's misfortune, having been accustomed to being a girl from using that perverted jutsu of his. Everyone else however, was absolutely miserable.

Sakura glanced at each of her teammates, questioning thoughts running through her mind. Naruto now had the same blond pigtails as his naked girl form, but that was the only difference. Even his squeaky voice was still the same.

With Sasuke, the changes were a little more dramatic. His normally spiked black hair now gracefully flowed almost to his waist, and to put it simply, he made a _generously endowed _young lady. Everything about him could only be described in words Sakura had hoped someday someone would use in her direction: "_dainty_," "_elegant_," and even "_pretty_," the adjective he had come to resent the most in the past few hours. Well, besides "cute" and "hot." Sakura admitted, it would be hard even for her to recognize him at first, but there was no mistaking his icy attitude. That never changed.

She gazed downwards at her own body, feeling lost in this strange world of angles where there should have been curves. She had been able to deal with the extra bodily hair and deep voice and masculine stink, but had guiltily spent a good twenty minutes learning to use the bathroom properly. She could only imagine how her teammates were dealing with the results of Naruto's "accident."

"Come on, team, we aren't going to sit around all day."

And then there was Kakashi. The jonin just looked like a slightly skinnier version of himself. Even so, he still wouldn't take his mask off, no matter what Naruto threw at him.

"This sucks," Sakura murmured to herself, getting up to follow Kakashi around Konoha for the third time that day. "This really, truly, honest-to-god sucks."

"What are you complaining for?" grumbled Sasuke from behind her. "You didn't shrink a foot and a half. You don't have to deal with sudden emotional surges. You aren't the butt of idiotic jokes."

"I can see why," giggled Naruto, "Sasuke-chan likes having her _butt_ grabbed by all the _guys_, doesn't _she_?"

"I'll kill you!"

_Sudden emotional surges?_ thought Sakura, watching her teammates launch yet another fight-to-the-death. _Maybe that's just part of being a girl…I guess he'd have a hard time dealing with it…_

"Naruto, stop provoking your teammates. Sasuke, put a lid on it. Let's _go_ already."

The three confused kids reluctantly followed Kakashi towards the village gate. He ordered them to split up, and each went running off in a different direction, searching wistfully for some tiny thing that would return their flip-flopped world back to normal.

* * *

Naruto, not wanting to fix this "dire emergency" as greatly as the other two, wandered the streets of Konoha, passing the time by attempting to guess who was who.

_There's Ayame, the Ichiraku's owner's daughter,_ he thought, watching a redheaded young man empty a garbage can into a larger bin outside the famous noodle stand. _There's Iruka-sensei…and Konohamaru…and Anko? Ew._

He hadn't been paying attention to where he was going, so the next moment found Naruto lying face-up on the sidewalk after walking right into someone. Someone with pale eyes and dark hair.

"Watch where you're going, Nej-!" he started, but stopped when the boy he ran into glanced down at him after getting back up. And blushed.

"Oh. Sorry, Hinata-chan," apologized Naruto, scratching the back of his head. "Didn't recognize you there for a second."

"Oh…um…sorry, Naruto…" the Hyuga mumbled, though several octaves below her normal squeak. "I, uh…didn't know it was you, either…"

Naruto grinned. "Really? I thought it'd be kinda obvious, but who knows?" He suddenly realized that Hinata was looking _down_ at him for a change. "Aww, _man_! No fair! You're taller than me now!"

Hinata blushed and twiddled her fingers together. "Oh…well, um…"

"Anyways, I probably should go back to doing whatever it was I was supposed to be doing…catch you later, Hinata-chan!" said Naruto, waving and continuing down the sidewalk, leaving a blushing and very conflicted Hinata behind.

* * *

_Naruto must die. Naruto must die. Naruto must die._

These three words repeated themselves in Sasuke's head over and over like a broken record player. His blond teammate would pay for his idiotic prank. Preferably with a limb or two, if Sasuke had the time to tear off more than one.

Naruto had done some pretty stupid things before, but none of them had even scratched the surface of this. Sasuke liked things he had control over to be properly in their ordered place. No more than this, no less than that. It gave him a weird sense of comfort. But Naruto had taken everything he knew to be that way and toppled the organized bookcase of Sasuke's life. Suddenly he had no control over anything.

Being a girl, in his particular opinion, held no benefits whatsoever. Girls were too emotional, the constant stream of powerful feelings that flowed through his brain made it very difficult to remain calm and collected. Girls had naturally weaker bodies, he hated tiring out so easily and not being able to pull off some forms of taijutsu during training. And lastly, girls stuck out in weird places. Sasuke had always liked baggy clothing. Loose meant ventilation and guaranteed comfort in any position. But thanks to Naruto, everything had suddenly become disturbingly tight, especially around the chest and backside areas. It irritated him even more than he already was, resulting yet more visions of Naruto burning at the stake.

For the thousandth time, he brushed a strand of hair out of his face. He had tried tying it back earlier, but realized in the mirror it made him look eerily like Itachi. He'd probably hack it back to its former length some other time, but for now…imagining Naruto getting water-boarded took his mind off of complaining. For now, at least.

His internal monologue was cut short by a sickeningly familiar voice, even now ear-piercingly shrill, preceding a forceful hugging.

"Sasukeeeeee! Oh don't you just look gorgeous!" squealed a blonde, blue-eyed boy, nearly knocking him to the ground with a death-grip hug. "You're so cute, I just _have_ to take a picture of you sometime!"

_Cute? Picture?! I don't think so._

"Ino, leave him alone already," mumbled a black-haired girl standing behind the two. "Can't you see you're bugging him? Troublesome woman…"

Ino ignored her lazy teammate's advice, much to Sasuke's dismay. "Oh, wow…your hair is so pretty…how'd you get it so soft? It's like imported silk!"

"Please stop touching me," ordered Sasuke, disappointed that the effect of his icy tone was nearly lost because of his now-higher girl's voice.

"Sorry, you're just so adorable…I can't help it!"

"You know, it's really weird listening to the flirts you're coming up with, Ino," murmured Shikamaru. "It's melting my brain. We're supposed to be reporting back to Asuma."

"Aww…" moaned Ino, releasing her captive. "That's too bad. I'll see you around, ok cutie?"

Sasuke merely glared furiously as the blond dragged her comrade off behind another building. Glaring was all he could do at that particular moment. Everything else was frozen.

The annoying fangirl/boy had just exited the scene after giving him a skillfully hidden slap on his bottom.

_Naruto and Ino must die. Naruto and Ino must die. Naruto and Ino must die…_

_

* * *

"Bleah."_

This was the perfect way to sum up Sakura's emotions at that exact moment.

She was standing outside an antiques store, gazing unhappily at her reflection in a dusty old mirror displayed in the window.

Her normally obedient pink hair had somehow acquired the law that if not extremely long, all guys' hair defies gravity. Parts of it stuck up in cherry-colored spikes, which she desperately tried to keep down with her fingers.

She sighed sadly at the skinny boy in the mirror with his hands glued to his head. If she was going to be a young man, she would have preferred not to look so…dismal. The only comforting thought in her mind appearance-wise was that she was lucky to have had some spare t-shirts and shorts to wear, because her normal red dress would've been just too weird like this. There were virtually no muscles on her scrawny body, even though in the back of her mind she had known that if she wasn't that pretty of a girl there was little chance she'd make a handsome boy. She had her teammates to reference for that.

_I wonder how the other two are doing…Naruto's probably stuffing his face with ramen instead of working on the mission, and poor Sasuke must be getting bothered by his fan…boys._

"Sakura-chan!"

Sakura turned around at the sound of the unfamiliar voice, only to be hugged at high speed by a green blur.

"Oof! Careful there Lee, you almost knocked me over!" she said, smiling a little.

Lee unfortunately now held the title of shortest genin in the village. Sakura was surprised, as a girl his usually-gigantic eyebrows were much smaller, almost normal-looking. She shuddered inwardly at the thought of his regular eyebrows in combination with his recent addition of jet-black pigtail-braids.

"Sakura-chan, I'm supposed to be helping my team, but I just stopped to tell you that I promise I'll find a way to put everything back to normal!" squealed the miniature Lee. "And when I do, we can share a lovely date under the moonlight!"

"That's, uh…nice, Lee," said Sakura with a sweat-drop. "But you should go back to your team. They're nothing without you."

"You're right, Sakura-chan! I will! Hope we meet again!" said Lee, pumping his fist in the air before disappearing back to his idolized Guy-sensei.

_I should probably be getting back to my team as well…I wonder if any of them found something?_

_

* * *

"Nothing at all?" asked Kakashi. "Not even a trace?"_

"Nothing," the three genin answered in disappointment. Even Naruto was getting fed up with their new situation, having accidentally walked into the wrong bathroom at least three times in a row. Sasuke was deeply disturbed for obvious reasons, and Sakura just felt depressed.

Kakashi sighed. "Ok, let's call it a day. Meet up tomorrow at the park bridge, we'll continue this mission then." He disappeared in a poof of smoke.

"Well, I'm outta here," announced Naruto. "Hinata-chan promised as long as we're all stuck like this she'd show me how girls do stuff." He clasped his hands behind his head and walked off in the direction of the Hyuga estates.

Sakura glanced at Sasuke, making eye contact. She raised an eyebrow.

"Fine," he grumbled. It wasn't as if his day was going to get any worse.

"Ok," said Sakura, clapping her hands together. "There's absolutely no way you can be comfortable in your old clothes, am I right?"

_She's good. She's very good._

"So if you want, we'll go find some that fit. Yes, they can be black and yes, I'll put your clan symbol on the back of your shirts, how does that sound?"

"It sounds…ok."

"Good," said Sakura. "Follow me. I know some great places that are still open."

Sasuke silently followed his formerly female teammate down several roads that led to the shopping district of the village. He'd barely ever come to this area, he mostly spent his time buying food, and very rarely some more clothing if his got torn. Never before had he been dragged on what girls referred to as a "shopping trip."

Sakura grabbed his wrist and dragged him through the doorway of one shop. The receptionist ignored them as she pulled Sasuke towards the back, past rows of brightly colored summer-wear.

"There's some nice dark stuff back here," she explained, pointing to a row of black and gray fabrics. "If you see anything you like, the changing rooms are back there so you can see if it fits. I'll wait out here till you're done."

Sasuke mumbled his thanks to her and wandered slowly towards the dull-colored material shelved neatly by size. He glanced back at Sakura to find her turning over a vibrantly pink, high-heeled shoe from one of the shelves in her hand, absorbed by the tiny flowers that adorned the outside.

_Girls,_ he thought, and turned back to his inspection of the store's wares. _They're all the same._

* * *

**and now for some A/N's:**

Wahaha...a random crackfic I started doing when I had no inspiration for U&U chapters...The thought of the genin all like that just makes me laugh, and this was getting pretty long (it takes me a while to come up with new stuff for U&U...I get bored easily, it's my American attention span of fourteen seconds) so I thought "What the heck, I'll post it and see what happens."

Chapter two coming soon...XD


	2. Hugs And Serial Touchers

**Chapter Two: Hugs And Serial Touchers

* * *

**

"I'm not emo! I just slipped once or twice, that's all!"

Sasuke smirked at an infuriated Naruto. Earlier, Sakura had made them both promise to relay everything they did to her, so she could spot any potential disasters before they happened. Naruto had just explained how Hinata taught him the miracles of being a female. And how he thanked the gods for his quick-healing ability when he messed up.

"And what about _you_?!" demanded the blond, pointing an accusing finger at Sasuke. "You waltz up here with hairless legs, conditioned and perfectly combed hair, painted nails, for god's sake Sasuke, you're wearing _makeup!_ You really are turning into a girl!"

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at Naruto. "One, they're naturally like that, two, Sakura made me comb it, three, it's bad-tasting stuff to keep me from biting my nails, and four, it's moisturizer. I've worn it every day for the past three years. Or were you too dumb to notice?"

Naruto spluttered as he tried to come up with a good retort. Sasuke turned his back on him, instead speaking to his only sane teammate.

"And you, Sakura? Learn anything new?"

Sakura shrugged. "Just 'use twice as much deodorant.' Not much else. Being a guy is pretty low-maintenance."

"It is," replied Sasuke, crossing his arms over his chest and smirking at Naruto, still stuck wearing the same bright orange while Sakura had helped _him_ find much more comfortable attire. Naruto's loss.

"Hey, kiddos," said Kakashi, appearing hours late, as usual. "Drop the beauty gossip and let's go, we're planning a group investigation this time."

"You're one to talk, sensei," shot back Sakura. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you wear the same old mask every day."

She stopped herself, and glanced at Kakashi warily. "You…you don't _really_, do you?"

Kakashi laughed. "Of course not. I have several copies of the same things, you know."

His team breathed a sigh of relief.

"Now let's go, the others are waiting."

* * *

Naruto, though bored to tears from being forced to wait by the instructor jonin, managed to stifle a few giggles when his team met up with the others for the investigation. In his head, he made a careful list of everyone's descriptions, for future references and future annoyances. 

Team eight. Hinata: taller, lower voice, still fidgety and shy. Kiba: spiky brown ponytail, relatively skinny, voice like fingernails on a chalkboard, don't even want to _think_ about Akamaru. Shino: same as always, glasses and all.

Team ten. Ino: taller, louder, slightly more perverted, still madly crushing on the miserable Uchiha. Shikamaru: still bored as ever, ponytail a little longer, a little more prone to shouting. Choji: fat, that's all that needs to be said.

Guy's team. Lee: really short now, smaller eyebrows, twin braids. Neji: sort of like Hinata, quiet and demure-looking. Tenten: big muscles from working out, more prone to whacking Lee.

As Naruto finished his mental list, he heard a shuffling noise and felt a pair of hands gripping his shoulders from behind.

"Hide me."

"Eh? What's the great Uchiha scared o-" Naruto began.

"Sasukeeeeee, there you are, you adorable little sugarpie!" came a surprisingly shrill voice. Naruto felt his teammate's hands being wrenched away, and turned around to see a helpless Sasuke being crushed by a male Ino's hug.

Naruto could only gape at how his defenseless teammate was being treated. Testosterone seemed to have given the fangirl/boy a _lot_ more confidence, as she was squeezing the life out of her hostage. Naruto was even more shocked to see her hand slowly find its way down to Sasuke's rear end, making the normally stoic Uchiha gasp and turn bright red.

The blond ex-kunoichi grinned disturbingly. "Let's go find somewhere nice and quiet to be alone, eh, cutie?"

"INO-PIG, GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HIM!" shouted a furious Sakura, tearing her teammate away from Ino and landing a well-placed punch on her jaw.

"Are you ok?" she asked worriedly. Sasuke could only stand there, his eye twitching rapidly. "You poor thing…" murmured Sakura, placing a hand on his forehead. "Ino-pig, what on earth is _wrong_ with you?!" she demanded, turning her head back to the blond. "You're acting like…like a touchy-feely _pervert_!"

The blond huffed and shrugged. "He told me to."

"He most certainly did _not!_" shouted Sakura. "I know we're all fed up with this, but that's just…EW! I don't even want to _talk_ to you now!"

Naruto stared in a daze as Sakura took Sasuke's hand and steered him far away from his tormentor.

"You think _that's_ bad, you should try being on the same team as her," came Shikamaru's higher voice from next to Naruto. "All she talks about is him and…well, just trust me, you _really_ don't want to know. You'll be scarred for life."

"Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew." Naruto squeaked in rapid succession, covering his eyes with his hands. "Scarring mental images. Ewewewewew."

"Don't think about it, then," murmured Shikamaru. "Listen. That…ex-girl's a huge toucher now. Even I can't fall asleep, because the minute I do, she'll…well, you get the idea. Stay on your guard, unless your teammates are with you. She'll go for Sasuke, and get driven off by Sakura. I admit, you've got the best protection of us all. I'm jealous."

Naruto watched the lazy shinobi wander off to who-knows-where, still attempting to wrap his brain around the reality that was confusing everyone to the point of going nuts. They _really_ needed to find the solution to this before somebody lost it.

* * *

"If she tries that again, just tell me, ok?" Sakura half-ordered. 

"I will," answered Sasuke, preferring _not_ to repeat the last five minute's experience. He knew Sakura would stay true to her word.

"Good," she said, unexpectedly hugging her teammate. At first, Sasuke wanted nothing more than to escape and not be touched like _that_ again, but for some reason the will just left him now. He exhaled and allowed Sakura the pleasure of having him lean rather comfortably against her thin frame.

After a few seconds, she dropped her arms and stepped back.

"What was that for?" he asked, less accusing and more curious.

"Well…it's just…" she answered, staring off at Naruto sitting on a tree branch. "If I'd done it when we weren't…you know…you would've just pushed me away. Girls like to be hugged like that, so I thought you might, at least for now."

"Oh."

"Ah, it looks like I gotta go save Naruto again. See ya. Naruto! Come down here right now! And put down that squirrel!" she shouted, sprinting off in the direction of Naruto's tree.

Sasuke watched her go, attempting to sort through the emotions that were clouding his mind. Sakura was right, it did feel nice for girls to be hugged like that. The strange part of his brain that was now decidedly female _definitely_ enjoyed her gentle touch. Sasuke shoved that thought and all its accompanying emotional rushes in the back drawer of his mind. There was absolutely no way he'd ever let her do that again. Never, ever, ever. She'd had her hug, it should be able to last the rest of her life. It should be able to, it should be…

_But it won't._

* * *

The jonin eventually initiated the group investigation. Almost every one of the genin that were now girls huddled together like a herd of buffalo, because there's strength in numbers when a serial toucher is on the loose. The only ones immune to the threat of the dreaded touch were Choji because he was fat, and Shino because…well, because he was _Shino_. Nuff said. 

"I'm going to kill you, Uzumaki."

"Not if I kill him first, you won't!"

"Naruto, you're dead meat!"

"You'll pay for this, Blondie."

"Prepare to die the minute this is over!"

Naruto sighed. Everyone in their "flock" currently hated his guts.

"Toucher at five o'clock!"

All of the group members jumped simultaneously, the ones closest to the advancing Ino scooting towards the back.

They all breathed a sigh of relief when Sakura nailed Ino in the head with a fist-sized rock, followed by a muffled stream of obscenities from both parties.

"This is never going to get anywhere," murmured an annoyed Neji, giving Naruto a pinch on his arm. "You say you can't remember anything about what you did back in the labs. We all know it's a load of bull."

Naruto pinched the Hyuga back, and answered, "It's not my fault, _woman_."

Neji twitched angrily at Naruto's choice of nouns, then shook his head and glared.

"There is a way he could really not remember," squeaked Lee's voice from a foot below everyone else. "He could have been, y'know, possessed or something."

_What? No way. Who would…the fox? Oh, it better NOT have if it knows what's good for it…_ thought Naruto, half-ready to hit something.

The sound of a jonin's voice brought him out of his daydreaming.

"Come on kids, it's impossible for any of you to find anything all bunched together like that."

High-pitched groans emanated from them all. Reluctantly, they broke apart from one big mass, but still stayed relatively close together.

Ino giggled and took a dramatic step towards them, laughing when they all squeaked and clustered back together.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "You're so immature."

"Jealous?"

"Hardly…hey! Hey, Ino-pig, get back here! Stay away from them!"

"AAAAGH!"

"Pervert!"

"She got Lee! Run!"

_Crack-Bam!_

"Take that, filthy pig!"

"Yaaaay, Sakura!"

The jonin sighed. "We're never going to find anything at this rate…"

* * *

_"Sakura! Sakura, wake up!"_

_"Hnnah…five mo' minutesss…"_

_"We can't wait five more minutes, come on, get up!"_

_"Nnnhhh…"_

_Sakura fumbled around under her bed sheets. She sat up in the dark in a panic when she touched herself, but then remembered she was a boy for now. But boy or not, her body had never felt so strange before, like she was a lot older than she was._

_"Sakura, it's coming! It's coming!"_

_Sakura reached out to the lamp on her bedside table, flicking it on. She almost jumped at the sight of the now-female Sasuke standing by the side of her bed, shaking her arm and urging her up and out._

_"What? What's coming?" she murmured groggily._

_She then froze in place, her eyes wide._

_Her vision fixed on Sasuke's massively bloated stomach, several times bigger than it was supposed to be. The Uchiha grinned and patted the swollen bulge proudly._

_"Our first baby, of course!"_

"GYAAAAAH!" Sakura screamed, bolting upright. Her eyes met with her own blessedly familiar bedroom. Her glow-in-the-dark digital clock read 5:36 a.m.

_Good god…I think a part of my brain just died…_ she thought, shivering.

The investigation earlier had ended when it had gotten dark. And partially because the teachers were driven to the point of insanity by their genin's constant squeaks whenever Ino came within eight feet of them.

She placed a hand on her sweat-covered forehead, wondering exactly how long the gods were planning on tormenting them like this.

* * *

"Whoah, Sakura…what happened to you?" squeaked Naruto the next morning, 

Sakura glared at him through the dark circles ringing her eyes due to lack of sleep. "Shaddap," she mumbled irritably.

"Geez…moody much, you're acting like Sasuke-_chan_ on a _good_ day."

_Thwack._

"Ow! Hey!"

Sasuke smirked at his teammate's violent actions. Sakura had never been much of a morning person, and suddenly gaining a tad more upper body strength would only result in more pain for Naruto.

He became a little confused when her eyes lingered on his abdomen for a second while she breathed deeply as if in relief. He shrugged it off and continued imagining ways to make Kakashi's life miserable for showing up late for the millionth time in a row.

"Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late, there were some children playing in a river and I-"

"Save it, sensei!" they all said in unison.

"Ah, well. Anyways, we're got a _new_ mission, at least for today."

"What? What new mission?" demanded Naruto, eager as ever.

Kakashi chuckled. "Well, you'll just have to wait and see now, won't you? Come on, Tsunade's waiting."

* * *

Heh heh...extremely cracky in this chapter. Don't know where most of that came from. Probably from staying up till half past one in the morning, watching a _Planet of the Apes_ Marathon. Woot.


	3. The Gods Have Gone Crazy

**Chapter Three: The Gods Have Gone Crazy

* * *

**

"All in favor of Kakashi-sensei dying a horrible death involving tweezers and a table tennis paddle, say 'Aye.'"

"Aye."

"Whatever."

Naruto glared at his dark-haired teammate for not using the answer option he had given, then sighed and turned back to the road twisting and turning ahead of them.

Their mission had seemed simple at first. Escort three lord's kids to some exotic celebration in another region. The "three kids" happened to be three teenagers, one daughter and two sons. All very, very bored and in need of attention, protection, and apparently entertainment.

_Kakashi must've known this was going to happen. He'll pay for this._

And all three of them were hopeless romantics, and used to getting what they wanted, when they wanted it.

The eldest walked beside Naruto, glancing at him multiple times and grinning stupidly.

"So…what's your sign, Sunshine?"

Naruto groaned inwardly at the boy's use of the same nickname from an hour ago, seeing as he obviously couldn't be bothered to remember his actual name. He glanced at his teammates, Sakura with the daughter practically fused to her arm, and Sasuke being hit on by the second, less subtle son.

"No need to be scared. I won't bite," teased the boy, barely aware of Naruto's flinch when he brushed his finger across the blond ninja's cheek, just over his whisker-marks.

"Get a room!" the louder second son half-shouted, also oblivious to Kakashi's strict orders not to harm their clients in any way, shape or form. Otherwise Sasuke probably would've reduced him to a blood-spewing pile of organs by now.

"Don't pay attention to him," continued the eldest son, attempting to slide his fingers together with Naruto's. "He's just an idiot who doesn't know how to shut up."

"Wow," continued the loud son, walking only six inches behind a very ticked-off Uchiha. "You wiggle when you walk, you know that? That's so hot. We gotta hang out more, sweetheart. You got a boyfriend? If you do, I bet I'm way hotter than him."

Sasuke ground his teeth, clenching his tiny fists in a desperate attempt not to snap and beat the tar out of this annoying brat.

"Just ignore him Sasuke," said Sakura, attempting to pry off her own devil's spawn fangirl.

"'Sasuke?' Ain't that a boy's name?" questioned the second son obnoxiously loudly.

Naruto clapped a hand over his mouth, trying not to laugh. Sasuke death-glared the entire group, walking silently with a homicidal aura hanging over his head.

"I'll take it you two don't get along very well," said the first son, sighing when Naruto, as a last-ditch effort to avoid having his hands held by another boy, had pulled out a scroll and appeared to be studying it intently.

"But I'd like to get to know you better, Sunshine."

Naruto ducked to avoid the oncoming hug, and sidled up on Sakura's non-fangirl-inhabited side.

"Hey Sakura, did you know that in major cities, the ratio of trees being planted to those being removed is one in four?" asked Naruto, reading off of his paper.

Sakura raised an eyebrow, then caught his "Save me!" look.

"Oh. Um, well, of course," she blurted out, wrenching her arm out of the daughter's hold and pointing to an imaginary graph on the almost-completely-blank scroll. "See, here's our current rate, and here's the prediction for the next ten years."

"Then what's this line over here?"

"That shows how long it takes to completely restore patches of forest that's cut down."

"Oh, I see…"

Sasuke only rolled his eyes. The second son apparently found Sakura's name also immensely funny.

"Heh, heh…Pinky's got a girl's name," he laughed.

Naruto could almost hear the veins popping from his teammate at that comment. Unfortunately, the eldest son used that distraction to grab his wrist and pull him to the back of the troupe.

"Hey, Sunshine, don't stay up there with those losers. Come hang with me."

"My _name_ is _Naruto_," he hissed. "Get it _right._"

"Ok, Sunshine."

Naruto groaned and threw pleading looks at his teammates. Sakura was pretending to be deeply immersed in reading the scroll she'd inadvertently stolen from him, and Sasuke was…being hit on again. Naruto sighed.

_If this gets any worse, I'll sue Kakashi until he's living in a cardboard box and begging for lunch money with a chipped coffee mug. Heh, heh. Coffee mug. I'm so witty._

* * *

"He spiked her drink." 

"He totally did."

Naruto and Sasuke attempted to support their unconscious teammate as she kept sliding back onto the ground.

"How 'bout we just leave her there," suggested Naruto. "She's passed out, she won't care."

"Good idea," murmured Sasuke, carefully placing Sakura's head on the marble floor.

The second lord's son had apparently gotten a little jealous to see Sakura asking Sasuke about something mission-related, claiming that nobody had the right to flirt with his "precious blossom" but him. In an act of vengeance, he had dumped a cup of swiped sake into her water, causing her to conk out after only one drink.

Her eyes sleepily fluttered open, her intoxication evident by her moronic grin and vivid blush.

"Hey-lo therrre, pretteeee (hiccup) laydeeeee," she slurred, hazily focusing on her dark-haired teammate.

"Hey-lo there, Sakura-chan," copied Naruto, propping her head up against the wall. "You just be a good girl and sit there, ok?"

"Hoookayyy…heh, lookit all the pretty birdiesh…"

"Sasuke, watch her," instructed Naruto. "I'm going to go get that sap back for doing this to Sakura-chan."

Sasuke nodded, watching his teammate disappear back among the crowds of other important figure's demonic offspring. The trip to their destination had consisted of barely-held-back irritation at the spoiled brats they had to escort. If only-

His thoughts were interrupted by a tugging on his sleeve. He turned his head towards Sakura.

"Heyyyy…hey lady…"

Sasuke sighed. "It's me, Sakura. I'm no lady."

She squinted at him. "Laydeeeee, why you talk ssssso like thaaat? You talk liiiike…talk liiike Sassy…kay…"

She hiccupped and giggled. "You talk like Sassy-kay…(hiccup) dat's shtoooopeed…"

Sasuke twitched. "Why is it stupid to talk like Sassy—I mean, Sasuke?"

"Cozz ain't nobodeeee allowed ta talk liiiike Sassy-kay," she rambled drunkenly. "He'll come an' beat'choo up an' thennnnn we'll ride awaaaaaay into the (hiccup) sunset…"

"You're tanked," mumbled the Uchiha. "You're absolutely tanked."

She giggled again. "Hiya, mammy…today I get (hiccup) married toooooo Sassy-kay!"

"Uh…" murmured a twitching Sasuke. "You're _what_?"

"I doh wanna get marry to Nawuto…he'sh a dummy…I wanna run 'way wif Sassy-kay!"

_Note to self. Never agree to hang out with a drunken Sakura ever again._

"Cuz he acts all shtooopeed and high 'n' mightyyy, but he ain't so greaaaat…" she murmured. "But…(hiccup) he ain't, cuz he'sh just a…big fat softy…(hiccup)…"

"He's a _what?_" urged Sasuke.

Sakura grinned again. "You knowwww, laydeeee…he act like he doh care 'bout nuthin' but he duzzzzz…(hiccup) but he'zzzz toooo mush uva chickin ta showzzz it…"

Sasuke turned back to staring at the chandelier hanging from the ceiling, blocking out his teammate's drunken rambling. A few seconds later, he felt something slide across his stomach. Looking down, he realized she was hugging him again, her head resting against his. He tried pushing her arms off from around him, but decided against it, in case the jostling made her throw up. At least, that's what he told himself.

"Mmm…" murmured Sakura, rubbing her cheek against his head like a cat. "You…smellzzzz nice…"

She fell asleep almost immediately after that sentence, her arms dropping from around her teammate as she slid back onto the floor.

_She's going to have such a hangover in the morning,_ thought Sasuke. _From all that babbling about…well…whatever it was. Dummy, I thought I told her not to hug me anymore…it looks stupid._

There was a thumping noise to Sasuke's left. He turned his head away from the snoozing Sakura to find Naruto lying in a dejected heap on the floor.

"What?" asked the Uchiha.

"It's the apocalypse."

"Lee shaved his eyebrows?"

"No. Worse than that."

"What?"

Naruto groaned. "One of those fools made a comment about 'the so totally hot ninja chicks over by the wall,' and it turns out one of the other idiots has a cousin living in the village…so they're all getting together there in a week for another party."

Sasuke stared, his right eye twitching. "No. Freaking. Way."

"Unfortunately, yes freaking way."

"We're doomed."

"Yes, it seems we are."

"Lucky Sakura, off in Wa-Wa Land…she'll kill us when we have to tell her, though."

"…Let's leave that to Kakashi."

"Agreed."

* * *

"Why me. Why me, why me, why me." 

"The heck do you mean, 'why you?' You're not the only miserable one here, so shut your face and hold your end up."

Naruto moaned again, his arms sore from lifting up his side of an extremely heavy wall scroll. The unlucky rookie genin had been stuck with the job of decorating the village's fanciest hotel's ballroom for the aforementioned social gathering by the spoiled offspring of powerful nobles.

"Oops, we're all out of tape," said Kiba, shaking his little cardboard dispenser with a clattering noise. "Hold it up for another minute, I'll go get s'more from Tenten."

"What?! No! don't leave me here, _you_ hold it up!" shouted Naruto, watching Kiba scuttle down the ladder Naruto was perched on and casually stroll over to Tenten.

Naruto fumed, his shaking arms about to give out from holding up the same corner of bamboo-patterned cloth. Unfortunately, he couldn't make the signs to get some clones to do it for him.

"KIBAAAA!" he squeaked loudly. "Get your sorry tush over here NOW!"

"Ok, ok, geez. You don't have to act like you're having a heart attack, you know," said an irritated mumble from a few ladder rungs below the whimpering blond.

Naruto debated whether to hug or smack the Inuzuka, as the genin standing by the floor gave the thumbs-up when Kiba finished taping. He and Naruto clambered down the ladder and observed their work.

The heavy wall scroll depicted a peaceful river scene with flowing water, bamboo, and birds embroidered on the misty sky. Naruto thought for a moment about spraying graffiti on it for a laugh afterwards, but his better judgment decided against it. It'd save him some head injuries later on if he left it the way it was.

"Hmm," mumbled Choji. "That side over there's a little crooked."

"No, no it's not!" protested Naruto. "It's perfectly fine!"

"Choji's right," added Shikamaru. "That one end's hanging three feet below the other. Who's the idiot that was supposed to hold it in place?"

Naruto glared at the back of Shikamaru's head. He lost all hope when Shino said the dreaded words.

"Go back and do it again, Uzumaki. And try not to be so sloppy in the future."

_Sorry buddy, but I'm afraid you're going to find something wet, slimy, and potentially alive in your pillowcase tonight. Fear the awesome wrath of the ramen master. Hee-hee._

* * *

"Sooo…how are you liking the party, Sunshine?" 

Naruto really did groan this time, narrowing his eyes at the stupid lord's son he was stuck watching for the next half hour. None of the other genin could stand any of the fifty-something teenagers that showed up, so they were taking shifts to spare themselves the torture of being hit on.

The boy chuckled, unaware of the evil aura surrounding the blond fox-vessel. "Come on, Sunshine. Try to smile a little. You look so much prettier when you smile."

_That's it. I'm going to kill him._

"Wanna go find a nice, quiet place to relax, hm?"

_No._

"Where're your friends? Especially the little missy…Inui over there's been looking for her forever. Wants to ask her to dance."

Naruto remembered after a moment that it was Sasuke the boy was talking about and not Sakura. He resisted the urge to smile in case the stupid brat thought he was doing it for _him._

"…Though he's probably just going to show off the whole time. He always does that every time he nails a hot babe. Struts around, all 'look at me, I'm such a chick magnet.' Gets annoying after a while, but…"

Naruto drowned out the incessant chatter with imaginings of ramen and Kakashi-tortures. He glanced at Neji, leaning against the central pillar in the room. The Hyuga held up a hand with four fingers extended.

_Only four more minutes…thank god,_ though Naruto. _Hope this guy doesn't ask anything direct before then…_

Naruto had indeed gotten his revenge on Inui, the annoying fanboy with a flair for using sake as a weapon. Naruto really amazed himself with his evil genius sometimes. Why, he had managed to get back at the stupid brat using only half of a kunai and a length of dental floss. Tying his trussed-up body upside down to the broom closet ceiling had probably been the most fun part, though.

Naruto glanced at Neji again, who gave him "one more minute."

"Soooo…Sunshine… Don't all girls dream of dancing with the man of their dreams someday?"

_I think…I think I'm gonna hurl. That's just wrong on so many levels._

"Care to dance with m-"

"Ohmygawdlookitsmyfriendsohisimplymustgosayhitothemyoudontminddoyouokbye!" blurted Naruto when Neji gave him a "zero." He scooted out of that ballroom faster than an Akimichi at an all-you-can-eat buffet.

"YES! Finally! Woo-hoo!" he squealed when out of earshot, doing a little happy-dance. "Oh, that's right…now to find Sir Emo and Sakura-chan!"

* * *

Ok, I'll admit. I lub writing about spoiled noble brats and their fangirly/fanboyish obsessions with the nins. It just makes me laugh. 

And of course, poor little Naruto...aww well, he'll get some proper lubs eventually. Yay!


	4. The Sasu & Saku Part

**Chapter Four: The Sasu & Saku Part **

* * *

Naruto finally spotted his pink-haired teammate a ways out from the back of the hotel. Most of the other genin were hanging around the entrance, Sakura was the only one near the back.

"Eh, Sakura-chan! Finally dumped tha-"

Naruto was suddenly cut off when a small yet exceedingly hard object slammed into his stomach. Naruto saw a flash of black as he doubled over, before another solid something smashed into his head from above, knocking him down to the ground.

Clutching his bruised head, Naruto glared up at his attacker. "What was that for, Sas-"

The poor, ignorant blond was almost immediately cut off by a torrent of profanity that could have cut down a forest. Some of the words he'd never even heard before, much less expected to be spouting from his enraged teammate's mouth.

After several seconds of shouting, the Uchiha turned on his heel and disappeared in a poof of smoke. Naruto cautiously stood up, one hand on his head and one on his stomach. He looked questioningly at a slightly worried, though very amused Sakura.

"S-Sakura-chan? What the heck just hap-…"

He saw her hand come up and try to cover her giggling smile.

"Was that…?"

The sound of Sakura's echoing laughter told all.

Naruto sighed, wincing and attempting to alleviate the throbbing pain in his noggin. "We have _got_ to fix this before that happens again."

Sakura bent over, tears of laughter streaming down her cheeks. "I'm so-ho-rry, N-Naruto-ho…That wa-has just so f-funny…" she gasped.

"Why am I always the one to get beat up?" complained Naruto, mostly to himself. "First it was your job to beat me up when you got like…well…_that_, but he hits so much harder than you…ow…"

"Shaddap. You'll probably be next in line for _that_."

Naruto twitched, causing his teammate to descend into more spasms of giggling.

"Ok, ok…ok, got it under control now," she huffed, after several more minutes of unintentionally making Naruto feel even more paranoid with her gruff, un-feminine laughter.

"Should we…go look for him, or would that be suicidal?" asked Naruto almost timidly.

"Most definitely suicidal."

"Ok…well, I'm off-duty for now, might as well go find something to do."

"You go do that. See ya."

Sakura watched her teammate disappear off into the streets of Konoha. She wondered who else would be plagued by the terrible beatings of their now-female teammates…

Even though they were all truly sick of remaining the way they were, the little humorous moments helped lighten the mood. Especially if they involved pain-crazed teammates beating the tar out of one another. Maybe they'd make fewer jokes now that they knew how it felt to be girls…

* * *

"Do, a drunk dragon's do-o-o…"

_Man, where is everybody? There's nobody to talk to!_

"Re, electric comic's re-e-e…"

Naruto wandered around the darkened streets of Konoha. There wasn't a genin to be found, even at their normal hangouts.

"Mi, electric comic's mi-i-i…"

Maybe they'd all gone running off so they wouldn't have to baby-sit the Royal Brats…

"Fa, an alfalfa's…uh…'Zat you, Hinata-chan?"

The Hyuga emerged from behind a tall bush, her face bright red.

"Oh…I-I'm sorry, N-Naruto-kun, I didn't mean to bother you…"

"Hey, it's totally ok. There's nobody around, where've they all gone?"

Hinata twiddled her fingers. "Uh…well…y'know…they're somewhere."

"Probably hiding from having to baby-sit those idiots having the time of their lives. Man, those weirdos are annoying!"

"Y-yes, they are…"

"I mean, it'd be bad enough if everything wasn't…ok, scratch that. It'd be fun as nobody's business if everything wasn't all screwed up, y'know?"

"Y-yeah…"

"'Cause you would not _believe_ how many times this one idiot keeps hitting on me. I mean, god! Hasn't the guy ever heard of a little something called personal space? And it's just…ew."

Naruto had begun walking already, Hinata trotted briskly behind him.

"If I was him, at least I wouldn't be such an amateur. I mean, the guy's pick-up lines are probably from before Grandma Tsunade was born, absolute—Wah!"

The blond ninja's foot hit a slippery patch of sidewalk at an unfavorable angle. Without thinking, Hinata slid under Naruto to catch him as he fell over backwards.

"Oof!"

Naruto quickly realized just what he had landed on.

"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry, Hinata-chan!" he exclaimed, wriggling around to meet the eyes of the Hyuga he had just accidentally used as a landing pad.

Hinata turned a bright shade of red. Naruto was completely oblivious to just how suggestive the position they were in was.

"N-N-Naruto-k-kun…" she stammered.

"Oh, sorry," said the blond, climbing off of her and allowing her to sit up. "Uh…thanks for catching me, Hinata-chan."

"Y-you're w-welcome N-Naruto-kun…"

Naruto was also a bright shade of red, though he didn't know it. Hinata found it unbelievably cute, when paired together with his ocean-blue eyes…

"Uh, Hinata-chan? Hello-o-o? Anybody home?" Naruto said, waving a hand in front of her face.

"Oh, uh, sorry…"

"Wow, you're like a statue when you space out."

"I'm sorry…"

"Hey, don't be. I barely paid attention in any of my classes at the Academy, I'm pretty good at spacing out myself."

Hinata nodded, barely hearing his words. Her mind was instead focused on his mouth as he spoke, imagining the feeling of their lips touching.

"You're out of it again, Hinata-chan."

"Oh…sorry."

"It's all right…what? Do I have something on my face?"

"N-no…"

"You're still pretty red, Hinata-chan…are you sick?"

She managed to squeak out a "N-no…" a few seconds after he placed his hand on her forehead, looking concerned for her health.

_Don't faint, don't faint, PLEASE not now, don't faint…_

"If you're not feeling well, maybe you should go home."

_But Naruto-kun, I wanna stay here with you…_

"Uh…well…"

"You think you can last?"

"Y-yeah…"

"Ok then. Here, I know. Let's find some others and spy on them!"

"Uh…are you sure?"

Naruto grinned. "Come on, it'll be fun!"

"But…but isn't that-?"

She couldn't finish her sentence. Naruto had already grabbed her by the wrist and was dragging her off to god-knows-where.

_Naruto-kun…_

* * *

"Ugh…stupid branch…"

_Crunch._

"Ah…that felt good."

Sakura swore loudly when she ran into another branch. One swing of her fist broke it in half, although there was sure to be another somewhere in front of her. Traipsing around a heavily wooded area at night…not exactly her preferred activity.

"Sasuke, where _are_ you? I know you're out here!"

Crickets chirped.

"You need to come back and apologize to Naruto! I don't care if you're having your little _episode_, you need to get back here _now_!"

_Wow…I…I don't think I could ever have spoken to him like that before…well, THIS. Agh, must be all this stupid testosterone…_

"Sasuke! Answer me, young lady!"

_Hee-hee…_

"OW! For the love of-"

_Stupid log! Who does it think it is, tripping me up like that?!_

"You're loud."

She glanced up from her facedown position on the grassy soil to be met with her angst-ridden teammate. She quickly stood up, brushing mud off of herself.

"Sasuke, you've got some nerve taking yourself out on Naruto like that! You should be-"

She stopped. He wasn't answering her with an icy glare, like he always did whenever she worked up the nerve to confront him about something. She couldn't see his lowered face behind his longer-than-usual bangs.

"Sasuke…? Are…are you…_crying_?"

He did glare this time, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand.

"I am not. It's this female nervous system. You girls have such a lack of control over your own bodily functions."

"You know, crying usually means you're sad," she continued, as if talking to a five-year-old.

"I'm _not _sad, Sakura."

"Then what are you? Depressed? Frustrated?"

He glared for a moment, but then sighed and turned away.

"I just want everything back to normal."

"We all do, Sasuke," she answered. "We're going to find a way to fix it."

"I know."

"You don't seem very sure of yourself."

"I am."

"Is there something else bothering you?"

"No."

She sighed at his stubbornness. "It's not going to go away if you ignore it."

"I'm not ignoring anything."

"Sasuke, for once in your life just stop with the whole stuck-up pride thing and let someone _help_ you!"

She clapped a hand over her mouth the moment she said that.

_Oh no…curse you, testosterone, now he's going to HATE me!_

He turned back toward her, still unwillingly discharging drops of water from his glistening black eyes.

"Why do you keep doing this?"

Sakura sighed. "Because I care about you. And seeing you sad just makes me upset, so I do my best for the both of us."

He looked her in the eye without glaring once. "How can you still…like me like that? Even when I'm…_this_? You still…?"

"Sasuke…" murmured Sakura. "I care about you whether you're male, female, or something else altogether."

Sasuke said nothing for a minute. Without seeming to move, he ended up standing close to his teammate and laying his head on her shoulder. He wanted a hug.

A surprised Sakura obliged, capturing him gently in her arms. They stayed like that for a minute, then Sakura was astounded to feel, for the very first time, his tiny hands finding their way around her as well. He was hugging back.

"Sasuke…?" she mumbled, confused. He responded with a "Mmm," his face buried in the fabric of her shirt. She sighed, and rested her chin on the top of his head, instinctively inhaling his fruity-shampoo scent. Just having him this close to her sent tingles up and down her spine.

"I wanna stay in this position," he whispered, looking up at her with his big, dark eyes, now free of tears. "It's…nice."

"Your wish is my command," answered Sakura, captivated by the feeling of his silky hair against her face.

Sasuke refused to allow himself to drift away into Sakura's hug, at least not yet. There was something he needed to do first.

Sakura felt him shift in her arms, and opened one eye with curiosity.

Sasuke took a deep breath, and stood on the very edge of his tiptoes.

Sakura smiled softy, and without realizing it, slowly lowered her face to meet his.

Eyes closed, both of them felt velvety soft lips press against their own. Sakura felt joyful tears spill down her face. Sasuke felt a padlocked section of his heart burst open, flooding him with a river of something like relief.

Their first kiss was a rush of emotion as the two conflicting hearts found a new way to touch, converging gently and spiraling around one another, as protection against ever breaking free. Something inside each of them sparked from this contact, igniting a roaring flame that consumed every cell in their bodies.

Sakura noticed Sasuke's bunched fists gripping the back of her shirt. She broke the kiss to breathe quickly, then began another.

Sasuke felt the warmth inside him grow to a blazing heat. He let go of Sakura's shirt, instead wrapping his arms around her torso, feeling their hearts beat rapidly together from how close they were.

Sakura also felt the high temperature, but refused to let up, kissing him over and over, throwing her arms around his neck and letting out her heart's every "I love you" in the form of lip contact. Sasuke smiled through their kisses, and even though all his sweat was once again making him uncomfortable, he had Sakura for his own, a greater gift than he ever could have wished for.

Sakura reached even higher with her face, not prepared to let him get away just yet. Sasuke let his hands explore her body, staying far away from the areas he knew she found uncomfortable to be touched.

At the same time, they both pulled their heads back and opened their eyes.

They gasped softly in unison.

Sasuke was still wearing the same dark clothes, which were now a little too short for him. But Sakura saw the same bird-butt hair and toned muscles she remembered.

Sakura was still wearing a loose t-shirt and baggy cargo pants. But Sasuke saw the same angelic face and feminine softness he remembered.

They gently touched one another's faces just to make sure, then smiled together. It was Sakura's turn to lean against Sasuke as it was his turn to bury his face in her hair.

"I missed you," he said, his girlish squeak replaced by a deep, rumbling tone. "You make a much better girl any day."

"No fair," answered Sakura, back to her normal voice as well. "You could get away as either."

"Hm…wonder if it's just us or everyone else as well?" thought Sasuke out loud. Sakura shrugged, murmuring, "It doesn't matter right now…I…I love you, Sasuke."

He stroked her hair, feeling much more at home in his body now that it was back to normal. "I'll tell you a secret," he whispered, making her blush. "I'm pretty sure I love you too. I'd love you even if our idiot turned you into a blood-sucking snail."

Sakura giggled, and lightly kissed his cheek. "I'd love you even if you were the spitting image of Ino-pig as a guy. It'd take some getting used to, but I'd still love you."

Sasuke chuckled, cupping her chin with one hand and kissing her delicately. Sakura's heart fluttered in her ribcage again, it was only _every night of her life_ she'd dreamed of being kissed by him.

"You can be sure," he muttered, his mouth just brushing hers as he spoke, "that I'd never touch you the way that pervert does, if I looked like her. You're much too pretty to be tainted like that."

Sakura blushed again, unused to being complimented by him.

"But you know what?"

"Wh-what, Sasuke?"

He grinned mischievously. "You're still annoying."

She frowned cutely at him, resulting in another low-pitched chuckle.

"But that's why I love you."

"Nice save, Uchiha."

"Be quiet and start annoying me again. My mouth is getting cold."

* * *

Good GOD this took a long time to finish...mind you, I'm doing this ONLY when I have no inspiration for U&U chapters, and all of these past two weeks I've (gasp) HAD inspiration! O.O

But, nonetheless, woo! OOC-lubs! How fun you are to write!

Ok, all you S&S fans...hope you're all satisfied. Nar&Hin fans, prepare yourselves for the next installment!

(BTW! how many of you know know which manga's song Naruto is singing up there? lawl.)

And yes, Sasuke's PMSing back up there, that's why he pummeled Naruto. Good thing they switched back, or Konoha would've burned to the ground...


	5. The Naru & Hina Part

**Chapter Five: The Naru & Hina Part**

* * *

"I think we should go back now. It's getting pretty late."

"Ok," said a lightheaded Sakura. They had spent quite a while alone, kissing, cuddling, smiling together. It more than made up for all the times he'd ignored her, he'd practically given her a kiss for every rejection. That added up to quite a bit, hence Sakura's giant blush and dopey smile.

She sighed. It was much more fun to walk through Konoha with his arm curling protectively around her. It made her feel safe and loved in a spiritual kind of way. And in addition to that, the fact that they were both back to their normal selves helped relieve the awkwardness. She had always swooned with the other girls at his dark, brooding attitude, but, she decided to herself, he was even more handsome when he was smiling.

They reached the back door of the hotel's ballroom again, without meeting any other genin.

Sasuke glanced sideways at Sakura. "I don't know about you, but I've really gotta go home and change," he murmured, his hand pulling at his now-too-short clothing.

"Yeah, me too," she answered. "I'm pretty wedgied-out myself."

"Meet back here in a few?"

"Of course."

They sped off in opposite directions, leaving the others to their antics…

* * *

"Ready to die, Uzumaki?"

Naruto searched desperately for an escape route. "Guys, guys, let's talk about this rationally, ok? We're civilized human beings, violence is not the answer!"

Neji cracked his knuckles. Kiba held up a growling Akamaru, both of them glaring with pure malice at the cornered blond.

Naruto glanced at the unconscious Hinata next to him. She'd get off easy, she'd fainted the moment they'd been caught. Spying on a bunch of the guys while they were talking about who they liked proved not to be the safest of activities.

Which they wouldn't have been, if not for the fact that at the exact moment one of the genin was about to spill the beans, something happened.

There was no great dramatic explosion, no burst of sparkling light. Naruto had simply felt something tugging at his head. After picking something out of his hair, he realized what he had been holding after a minute or so.

Two orange hair scrunchies.

He reached back up and gingerly felt the top of his head. Stuck-up spikes covered his cranium once again.

He had glanced next to him to see Hinata, oblivious to what had just happened to the both of them, staring out through a hole in her bush. Her soft squeak had returned when she spoke.

"Naruto-kun, look, they're-" she had begun, turning her head back towards him. She had stopped, her mouth hanging open.

"You…you're back?" he had asked, blinking and staring.

"Uh…" she had stuttered, staring back at him with flushed cheeks.

They had both been so absorbed in one another's sudden reversion to their original genders they hadn't noticed their target's movements until the bushes they were hiding behind were wrenched apart, with a very angry group of restored genin glaring down at them.

Hinata had instantly fainted with a small "Eep!" Naruto wished he had been able to do the same.

"Being a little Peeping Tom, were we?"

"Uh, no, you see, that's a term for pervs who peek on girls, and we most certainly weren't doing _that,_ I mean, you're obviously all…not…girls…" trailed off Naruto, wishing he had phrased that a little better. "Eh, um, what I meant was…"

"Let's waste 'im!"

"Yeah!"

"Gah! RUNAWAY!"

Naruto's immediate plan of action. Grab Hinata and run like a squirrel on food pills.

"Hey! He's getting away!"

"After him!"

"WHY ME?!"

* * *

Hinata's waking thought was a speculation as to why the ground felt so nice to lie on. Her second thought was an inquiry as to why it smelled so nice.

When her eyes fluttered open, both questions were answered. The ground felt nice because it wasn't ground, it was an orange-clad lap her head was resting on. And it smelled nice because she could never hate the scent of the one who was currently giving her an impossibly huge grin at seeing her awake.

"Hey, Hinata-chan!" he whispered, though it still seemed loud to her ears. "We ditched 'em, you've been out for about fifteen minutes, but otherwise everything's good."

"N-Naruto-kun…" she stuttered, blushing and sitting up quickly, realizing they were hiding behind a large crop of bushes in someone's well-tended yard.

"But," he said, patting her shoulder, "the important thing is that we're both ok."

"R-right…"

"'Cuz…you know, I'd feel like a real jerk if anything happened to you because of me."

Hinata's pale eyes widened. "Y-you would?"

"Yeah," he said, smiling. "Who wouldn't feel that way if their friends go hurt because of them?"

"I…I guess…"

_He thinks of me…as a friend?_

"Well, unless you've got some better ideas, I think we might be stuck here," he said, scratching the back of his blond head and glancing around in case their location had been discovered by their pursuers. "But if we are…hey, did you hear who Kiba said he liked?"

"N-no…I…I didn't…but…" stammered Hinata, blushing and twiddling her fingers. "I…I don't think…"

"Relax, Hinata-chan," Naruto said, clasping his hands behind his head. "It's nobody we know, just some chick with a pet wolf he met once. Said he writes her…" He put a hand over his mouth to stifle un-manly giggles. "_Love letters!_"

"O-oh…uh…well…um...Th-that's n-nice…"

"Wonder what they say?" laughed the hyperactive shinobi. "Oh em gee, I lurve you so much like I lurve eating out of garbage cans and scratching at fleas!"

"N-Naruto-kun, Kiba doesn't have fleas…"

"Yeah, you're right. He might be wild, but I'm guessing he's not dirty and gross. Oh, and did you hear what Neji said?"

"Naruto-k-kun…I don't…"

"He likes…that weird girl with the bun hair!" Naruto nearly fell over laughing. "I can't remember her name, but…you know, the one with the weapons in scrolls and all that."

"T-Tenten-san…"

"Yeah, that's the name. Anyways, he _likes_ her, ha!"

As Hinata half-listened to her crush ramble on about the love interests of various other Genin, she only smiled sadly and nodded, feeling a little sadness at his complete obliviousness.

"…Yeah, that's the last one," he concluded, stretching out and leaning against a bush's thick trunk. "Man…wonder what it'd be like to be like that, y'know? The whole relationship thing."

Hinata's eyes widened slightly at the fact that the blond had just introduced a not-so-immature topic of conversation.

"Uh…I…I don't really…"

"Hm…" he mumbled, staring up at the darkened sky. "'Cuz, well…can I tell you something, Hinata-chan?"

"W-what is it, Naruto-kun?" she asked, her heart beating a little faster.

"I…I don't really think Sakura-chan's ever going to fall for me," he said sorrowfully, his head bowing downwards. "She only likes me as a friend…which is better than hating my guts, but…I just get the feeling she's not gonna forget her precious Sasuke in favor of me…call it weird, but it's like a feeling…"

"W-well, you might be right, you m-might be wrong…" said Hinata quietly, going back to fidgeting with her fingers.

"Eh…" he murmured. "What 'bout you, Hinata-chan?"

_Uh-oh…_

"Ever liked someone?"

_Yes, yes Naruto-kun, oh god yes…_

She must have blushed bright red again, because Naruto smiled and patted her head.

"I'm not gonna be nosy and ask who it is, but I bet for you to like him, he must be some guy, eh?"

"Y-yeah…" she murmured sadly, closing her eyes as her head drooped slightly.

_Naruto-kun…how can you be so blind? It's you, it always has been…you're the one I want more than anything in the world…I love you so much, its hurts to keep it bottled up inside…I want you to know how I feel, and maybe, just maybe return my feelings for you…_

When Naruto had been silent for several minutes, Hinata opened her eyes again and blinked questioningly at him.

His royal-blue eyes were staring at her in something like surprise, his mouth was even hanging open. She glanced over each shoulder, wondering what he was looking at.

"N-Naruto-kun?"

She realized he was staring at _her_, a faint cerise blush appearing on his face.

Hinata froze, realizing what the shocking thing was.

"You…you really…?"

"Naruto-kun, I-I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking, I didn't mean to say that out loud, I mean, I don't-"

Her mad rant was halted when his finger pressed against her lips, as though sealing them shut.

His eyes were gazing directly into hers, inside she was squealing and throwing herself into the endless oceans that were his sapphire eyes…

"H-Hinata-chan…" he murmured, his gaze averted for a second. "Do you…do you really feel that way about me?"

Through her embarrassed/nervous shivering and scarlet blush, she gained enough control over her reactions to nod her head just a little, half-hoping it was too small to notice.

"Hinata-chan…I…I don't know what to say…"

_Just say SOMETHING, please, Naruto-kun!_

"So…all that time while I was going on about the guys liking people…I'm sorry, it must've made you really uncomfortable."

_Don't faint, don't faint, don't faint…_

She felt his hand brush something wet away from the corner of her eye.

In that second, time seemed to stop.

His touch, which usually brought jolts of electricity into her mind, was now…soothing. Instead of nervous energy, their contact brought her…a sense of peace. Her nervousness disappeared as speculations floated through her now-unclouded mind.

_He's not completely disgusted with you liking him…_

_He cares about what you think…_

_He's always supported you, hasn't he…?_

_You never really had the courage to do it out loud, but you cheered for him as well…_

_You worked harder to get better because of him…_

_He means the world to you._

"Hinata-chan…"

He had noticed she had stopped her shivering. She brought her head back up to look him in the eye, still having that daydream of getting lost in them as she whispered.

"Yes, Naruto-kun…I…I do like you."

He looked surprised at her lack of jumpy stuttering.

"I always admired you, but I thought if you and I…it would hold you back. I wanted you to reach your dream of being Hokage…and how could you do that if you had to look after a pathetic little girl like me?" she murmured, smiling sadly.

"Hinata-chan…"

She didn't jump when he hugged her tightly, though the surprise was still there.

"Hinata-chan, how could you think that?" he whispered, the opposite of his normal hyperactive behavior.

_It's easy. I've been told every day I'm weak and useless._

"You're not pathetic. You might not be able to beat up as many people as your jerky cousin, but you're nowhere near pathetic."

_Naruto-kun?_

"I worked hard just to impress the people who looked down on me…you know, make people notice me…and…you always noticed, didn't you?"

_Every time I see you, my heart beats a little faster…of course I noticed…_

"I saw it, when you were fighting Neji in the exams…you looked right at me when you said you were trying to impress someone special to you."

_He…he saw that?!_

"And I guess I was too wrapped up in my own little world to notice you were working your butt off for _me_."

"Naruto-kun…"

"That's…the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me."

Her snow-white eyes widened slightly at his words.

"To do all that…just to impress me…it means you really think I'm all that…thank you, Hinata-chan…"

She said nothing, allowing her navy-blue head to lean comfortably against his shoulder. Unlike nearly every time they'd previously met, this time had a tranquility neither had ever before experienced. It felt so…right.

Naruto glanced down at the girl sitting in his arms, his thoughts a drifting jumble. Her alabaster eyes were peacefully closed as her cheek pressed against the carrot-colored fabric of his shirt. She breathed slowly, as if she was sleeping, but he knew better.

"Hinata-chan…" he whispered for no particular reason, turning his head ever so slightly.

Eyes still closed, she smiled sleepily when his lips met with her cheek.

"Naruto-kun…" she murmured, blushing a pale shade of red.

"I…I think…"

_You don't need to say it._

Smiling more confidently than she ever had before in her life, the indigo-haired Hyuga tilted her head back until the blond genin's mouth slid over hers.

_I love you too, Hinata-chan._

Despite the previous tranquility of the moment, a truckload of firecrackers were going off in Hinata's mind.

_Yes! YES, he's mine! I love you, Naruto-kun!_

"Oh, Hinata-chan…" murmured Naruto when they pulled their heads back. "You kiss really nice."

She said nothing, but her tiny hands grabbed the back of his spike-covered head and pulled it back down onto hers for another kiss.

_This…I could get used to. Mmm…Naruto-kun tastes like beef ramen…_

_Wow, Hinata-chan tastes like those Altoids I gave her yesterday…mmm, cinnamon…Wait 'till I tell Sasuke I got a girlfriend before him! DATTEBAYO! And she's prettier than any chick HE'D ever date! HA! Oh well, it can wait…Hinata-chan froze my legs…I'll tell him when I can move again._

* * *

WHEW! that took a while to write...I'm at a climactic bit in my other fic, so bear with me. NaruHina lubs! cuteness!


	6. The Very Berry END!

**Chapter Six: The Very Berry END!**

* * *

"Hey, any idea where those ninja chicks went?"

"Nah, man. Haven't seen 'em for a while."

Variations of these comments could be heard from inside the ballroom occupied by very bored, spoiled teenagers. The night was already dwindling down into the early hours of the morning, so their party was slowing down somewhat.

"Wonder where they went…"

"Yeah…hey man, seen your brother?"

"Nah…don't know what kind of trouble he's gotten himself into."

"Hey, look!" said one, pointing to one of the large windows. "There's your girlfriend!"

One boy's head jerked up in surprise. Sure enough, that familiar little flash of yellow and orange was visible outside.

"Hey, yeah! I'll go say hi to her."

* * *

"So, uh…whaddya wanna do now, Hinata-chan?"

Hinata blushed, still not used to being spoken to directly by the one she had just spent twenty minutes kissing behind a bush. "Oh, well…I don't know…Nothing would be open at this time of night…"

"Hmm…yeah, you're right…"

She said nothing, but continued to blush happily as his hand squeezed hers.

"Well…maybe we should be…heading home now, it's getting awfully late, and there's going to be…lots of missions tomorrow…"

Naruto thought for a moment.

"Hmm…yeah, you're probably right. And where the heck is everyone else? We've been wandering around forever, and not seen anybody!"

"Maybe…maybe they all went home."

"Yeah, maybe…"

Hinata glanced at Naruto when he suddenly stopped walking, then realized the sound of hurried footsteps was coming closer from behind them.

"Hey, aren't you g-"

Naruto turned around at the sound of a voice coming from behind him. He flinched to see it was the boy who had flirted with him earlier. When he was still…having his little _problem_.

_Oh no…what do I do?!_

Luckily, he didn't need to fill in the blanks. The boy's expression drooped.

"Oh…I'm sorry, I thought you were…do you have a sister?"

"Uh, yeah!" exclaimed the blonde with a faked laugh. "Oh, she's so forgetful. Always running off and getting lost! Heh-heh…"

"Then I'll go look for her!" said the boy. "She can't be that lost."

"You'd have a hard time finding her, sorry buddy!" laughed Naruto.

"Just watch me!"

"Um…Naruto-kun…" murmured Hinata as the kid ran off into the darkened village streets. "Do you think that was a…good idea?"

"Nope. Oh well, he's not our problem. C'mon, let's go see if anyone's still awake, if not, we'll call it a night."

* * *

"Saaaaaasuke, where aaaaare yoooou, babyyyy?"

"Ino, can we go _home_ now?"

"Shut up, Shikamaru! Not 'till we find Sasuke!"

The poor, abused Nara groaned for the millionth time, following behind the unnaturally peppy blonde with an ever-defeated attitude, yawning every two minutes or so.

"It's late, I wanna go home, this is so troublesome…"

"Quiet!"

Shikamaru moaned quietly to himself again. "This isn't fair…"

"Hey!" exclaimed his teammate, pointing her finger in surprise.

_Yeah, I saw it too. Though…maybe if I act like I didn't, she won't-_

"I saw Sasuke!" she squealed happily. "Come on, you lazy fool! Let's go!"

_Why me…?_

Shikamaru's mind instantly went into cloud-imagining as his hyper teammate grabbed his wrist and dragged him after the white-and-red-on-blue flash she had spotted somewhere behind a building.

_Hmm…there weren't many clouds today…the ones that were out were thin and wispy…no nice, big fluffy ones…you can't look for pictures in anorexic clouds…like you can't look for substance in anorexic teammates…_

"Wake up!" his teammate hissed in his ear, snapping him out of his half-awake mode. "Help me find Sasuke!"

Poor, exhausted (well, mentally at least) Shikamaru had no intention of doing anything but imagine ways to escape and go home to his nice, soft bed…

"Pay attention, Shikamaru!"

"Mmf," he mumbled unhappily, before being yanked down into a crouch behind an uncomfortably prickly hedge.

"Huh…?" his teammate mumbled, her eyes wide. "Where'd he go…? I could've sworn…"

"Um…what are you two doing back there?"

Both members of team ten flinched, but Shikamaru even more so when he recognized that deep tenor.

_Wait…but that means…!_

His teammate's horrified squeak confirmed his thoughts.

"Whoa…what happened to you guys?"

He sighed, turning scooting around to face the ones confronting them. "So, Ino," he said to his deathly pale teammate. "I guess you were wrong. It wasn't everyone else as well."

The blonde girl only gaped, shivering, at her rival and long-time crush as they stood, staring at the two "spies" rather quizzically, and _holding hands._

"How'd you guys turn back?!" asked Sakura, shaking her pink head in disbelief.

"Dunno. How come you _didn't?_" replied Shikamaru. Despite his misfortune he was getting a kick out of his teammate's petrifying flinches as she stared at the male Sakura and female Sasuke standing before them. _Holding hands._

_This can't be happening…this CANNOT be happening!_ Ino's mind screeched, though her body was completely frozen. Her gaze shifted quickly between the two pairs of eyes staring right at her, one emerald and one midnight-black.

"Ooh…" sighed Sakura, closing her eyes for a moment. "This might be a bit much for her…not being able to hit on you, I mean," she said, letting go of Sasuke's hand and wrapping her arm around his waist, pulling him closer. "Oh well."

"Sakura…" the Uchiha whispered, leaning against her shoulder and slowly closing his half-open eyes as the pink-haired shinobi hugged him.

"Don't worry," Sakura answered softly, "We'll find a way to turn back too…ok?"

"Promise?"

"I promise," she said, twirling a lock of ebony hair around her finger as she kissed his forehead. He smiled contentedly in response, a faint tint of pink coloring his face.

The two were answered with a _thump_ as the only real kunoichi in the vicinity fainted on the spot.

"Y'know…" muttered Shikamaru, barely heard by the two still conscious. "Normally I'm against stuff like this, but that was pretty funny. You can drop the genjutsu now, she's out like a light."

_Poof._

"Ohmygosh, that was hilarious!" laughed Sakura as the smoke cleared, revealing the two as their actual genders once more. "Did you see her face? Priceless!"

"Hn," mumbled Sasuke, but Sakura could tell it was code for uproarious laughter at the unconsciousness of his blonde fangirl.

"You two are in sooo much trouble when she wakes up and found out you tricked her."

"Who cares? Take _that,_ Piggy!"

"Hn."

"So, like…are you two actually _together_?"

Cue embarrassed blush.

* * *

"Th-thanks for walking me home, Naruto-kun…"

The blonde shinobi blushed, grinning idiotically. "You're welcome, Hinata-chan. Anytime."

_This is just like a movie…_ she thought, unable to habitually twiddle her fingers as Naruto was holding her hands, the two standing alone just outside the gates leading into the Hyuga compounds.

_Just like a movie…but I like this better than any film._

"I'll see you tomorrow, I guess?"

She noticed how he smiled when she blushed her usual scarlet, her pearly eyes averted.

"R-right…"

"Kiss goodnight?" teased a grinning Naruto, though he blinked in surprise when she stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against his cheek. Smiling contentedly, he let go of her hands and gave her a goodbye hug, accompanied by a whispering promise of ramen on him the next day.

"Naruto?!"  
The two stopped dead.

"Um…this is awkward…"

"S-Sakura-chan?! what did…when…Sasuke, wha-…?" stuttered the Kyuubi vessel, split between blushing that his teammates had seen him and Hinata, and shock that they were…

"Um…Sasuke…you know Sakura's hugging your arm…right?"

The Uchiha grunted an "I know."

"But…fa…duh…glah…er…"

"Well…this is awkward. So Hinata, you finally caught him?"

The Hyuga heiress blushed vividly as Sakura smiled sympathetically.

"Well, good for you. Come on," said the smirking pink-haired kunoichi, steering a blushing Hinata away from the other two's developing dispute. "Let's leave the _ladies_ alone. And I can tell you exactly how to mess with Naruto's head!"

Hinata smiled, taking a last glance at the two arguing before nodding.

Though the past few days had been crazier than a lifetime, something good had come out of it. Now, if only they could figure out how to keep from being killed by the fangirls of Konoha…

Oh well. It could be worse.

They could be fanBOYS.

**The Very Berry END!**

* * *

Oh gosh! I'm sorry, all you people who were reading this! I totally forgot about it! TToTT forgive me! -bows, begging forgiveness- Nut there, I finished it! :D


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